by [J]ustin and [M]artin
RuPaul’s Drag Race reached a hotly-anticipated climax last night, putting the final nail in the coffin this season by crowning the one, the only SHARON NEEDLES as the winner.
Our séances have been answered.
Before we get to that, let’s go through our top moments from the first ever nationally televised drag queen variety hour, shall we?
Once we got back from getting drinks after what’s her face with the fly swatter was done talking, Lashauwn Beyond and the Princess threw some serious shade at the other queens and what they described as poor runway presentations.
Madame La Queer went into a rant about the direct correlation between being picked last in gym class (and the work room) and being a maid of honor.
Jiggly’s brother is apparently making a donation to the Jiggly Caliente Disaster Relief fund by buying her sewing lessons. As best summed up by a friend of J&M:
Finally, we get to the question we’ve been asking for months. What did Willam do?
The answer? She was getting it on with her husband at the hotel room while the show was being taped.
Really? That’s it? That’s why one of the most controversial and vivacious contestants in this show’s herstory was kicked off? That’s why we never saw this season’s heathers land in the top 4 (we’re talking about Willam, Latrice, Sharon and Chad obviously)?
That’s just RudePaul.
Up until this point in the episode, the banter had generally been a love fest, with a splash of good ‘ol queen-to-queen reading. Mostly harmless. But that’s not what we all tuned into the reunion for, was it? No. We want some drams (and to find out what Willam did/watch Latrice win Miss Congeniality/find out who won the damn competition).
When Sharon and Phi Phi were asked why they hated each other on the show, Sharon had no problem explaining her sentiments, most of which lined up with those of the viewers of this show – Phi Phi had no redeeming qualities for her behavior.
Phi Phi’s response was some poor excuse about how she felt as though Sharon talked down to her for most of the season. Of course, she followed it up with some bs about how she still loves and respects Sharon and blah blah blah blah blah.
That’s when Queen Willam sneezed out a big ol’ “BULLSHIT”
God bless her and God, bless her.
Willam followed this up with “I’m an egomaniac. Everybody knows that. But like….she should be studied down there. It’s almost sociopathic…”
And guess what….
She’s not rupologizing
There is a moment afterwards in which Phi Phi is giving Willam the death stare while Willam just sits there, chewing her gum, snapping her head forward, as if to say “sorry bout it, bitch.”
Consider us diehard Willam stans. Consider it our life goal to hit up a Greater Los Angeles Chick-Fil-A with Willam for waffle fries and lessons on how to properly put down heinous queens without even moving your lips.
We’ll be waiting for your call, Belli.
It was so funny for us to watch Phi Phi sitting with the top 3, all the while queens like Willam and Latrice were stealing the show.
Speaking of our favorite chunky yet funky queen, Latrice very deservedly won the Miss Congeniality award, leaving us with one final matter of business: the coronation.
After an amazing season of fake blood, ghoulish contacts, fierce fish and unparalleled wit, Sharon Needles was crowned winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Check out the crowd reaction at the official viewing party in NYC:
To be quite honest, the amount of things that we had to cover in this hour special seemed to burst at the seams – several moments we had been anxiously waiting for felt significantly more rushed than in the past, downplaying moments like Latrice’s fan favorite award. But overall, this was a great conclusion to a great season.
“When in doubt, freak ‘em out” – Sharon Needles, America’s Next Drag Superstar
Thanks to everyone who has kept up with the show on our blog, LSFYL and F Yeah RPDR Tumblrs for the gifs, as well as the queens who kept us intrigued week after week.
We’ll see you gurls in the Fall for RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars!
Check back for a post about the finale party
DILFs: Dads I’d Like to Frock
The girls had to decorate teddy bears and turn them into cuddly drag divas. Kenya won the mini challenge, trying to prove that her return was deserved (it wasn’t).
Sharon’s DILF proved to be a pain and got into some drama with Chad in the workroom. Luckily for Chad, she’s a fierce diva and her loving drag sister Sharon was having none of her DILF’s attitude.
Note to future contestants: DO NOT REMOVE YOUR DRAG. If there is any lesson to take away from this season, it’s that the splits are tired and you should NEVER remove everything that actually makes you a drag queen.
After some technical difficulties, we are back to SNATCH some wigs back.
That was when Phi Phi pulled out her best “nice, decent human being” realness and gave her phone call to Chad, who was able to Skype his partner on their eighth anniversary (D’AWWWW).
Flawless Look 2:
While most of the queens rocked the challenge, some of them were just way too much. Poor Dida Ritz was caught in the whirlwind of crazy drag queens.
Queefy chose Gaga, which on paper sounds like a good idea until you realize that Gaga’s most discernible attributes come from her performances and wacky costumes.
But the true horror of the Snatch Game was little Kenya Michaels, who turned Beyonce into a crazy, drugged up, spastic, pocket Sasha Fierce.
Correct us if we’re wrong, but Beyonce deserves better.
Chad’s giraffe print bodysuit served us everything we needed.
Meanwhile, after a hoard of compliments from Michelle Visage on playing her, Sharon was safe. Willam also got to join the safe girls. Here’s where this week’s padrama party came in.
WRONG.
Tatianna as Britney Spears. Brilliant. My personal fave, obviously. Alec Mapa was right when she said this portrayal was eerily accurate.
Pandora Boxx as Carol Channing. Hilarious. It was nice to see that she cared enough to get the information about scurvy out there.
Shangela as Tina Turner. Oddly fitting for Shangela’s spastic personality.
Raja as Tyra Banks. She captured the crazy pretty well. More importantly, bitch smized for dayyyyyyys.
Stacy Lane Matthews as Monique. There was no real talent involved (she already looks just like Monique) but she got an A for the look.
Sonique as Lady Gaga. Granted, this was before anyone knew anything about Gaga’s mannerisms and relentless hunger for attention.
Morgan McMichaels as Pink. I like Morgan. I love Pink. But this just wasn’t working. Not to mention I was annoyed with Morgan at this point in the competition.
Alexis Mateo as Alicia Keys. Literally the most irritating contestant. I hate her face, I hate her voice and this impersonation sucked.
The rest of the season 3 cast. Dreadful.
While Phi Phi may have screeched Sharon into a gig as Party City’s new spokesgirl:
This is you:
The Runway
Till next week, ya’ll!
This week, Ru asked us to hold these queens’s earrings and had the twelve competitors duke it out in the ring a la WWE. To give you a better idea of what this looked like, just imagine Hulk Hogan, a Mexican luchador and Charro all mixed in a blender and served chilled with pink sugar on the rim.
Work it out Miss Kenya.
