Survey Says….It’s Time For The Snatch Game!
by [J]ustin and [M]artin
After some technical difficulties, we are back to SNATCH some wigs back.
Keeping with RuPaul’s Drag Race tradition, the Snatch Game served up some SEVERE drag queen impersonation realness. And we must say, last night’s episode proved to be one of the best yet.
The girls started by recounting last week’s lipsync. Kenya rambled in Spanish about the trials and tribulations of puberty, and it seems as though her newfound journey into womanhood proves to be too much for her, as she can’t seem to keep her eyes open or her mouth from gaping. She snaps her fingers and rambles some more.
As with every Snatch Game episode, the mini challenge played up on some of the best game show camp TV has seen since the 70s, drawing serious inspiration from a slop of Game Show Network favorites. The prize? A Skype call home!
Phi Phi managed to win it by carrying 3 eggs between her legs and laying them like a chicken in a nest. With most of her muscles working to maintain her perpetual look of stank face, we’re surprised that she manages to remain continent, much less keep eggs between her legs.
That was when Phi Phi pulled out her best “nice, decent human being” realness and gave her phone call to Chad, who was able to Skype his partner on their eighth anniversary (D’AWWWW).
That’s when Ru announced the challenge all the girls had been waiting for…
THE SNATCH GAME!!
Here’s what the cast looked like:
Sharon Needles as Michelle Visage
Milan as Diana Ross
Willam as Jessica Simpson
Latrice Royale as Aretha Franklin
Jiggly Caliente as Snooki
Phi Phi O’Hara as Lady GaGa
Dida Ritz as Wendy Williams
Kenya Michaels as Beyonce
Chad Michaels as Cher
Let’s not beat around the bush here, Chad won this challenge the moment she was cast for the show. While judges like Michelle Visage pointed out how Chad bringing Cher to the Snatch Game might be considered “safe,” it was guest judge (and ineffable funny man) Ross Mathews who pointed out that it was a RISK to go in it with the thing she is best known for. Imagine if she had lost this challenge and how embarrassing that would be for THE professional Cher impersonator.
But losing was not an option for Chad. Her perfect mannerisms, hilarious on-the-spot wig changes, and the fact that you’d never have even known it wasn’t Cher sitting there made her unbeatable.
Flawless Look 1:
Flawless Look 2:
Flawless Look 3:
Willam and Sharon proved to be hilarious as well as an empty-headed Jessica Simpson (who couldn’t even spell her name right on her name card) and a hilarious Michelle Visage (also a huge risk), who took a stroll down memory lane with Ru and had us gagging.
While most of the queens rocked the challenge, some of them were just way too much. Poor Dida Ritz was caught in the whirlwind of crazy drag queens.
Queefy chose Gaga, which on paper sounds like a good idea until you realize that Gaga’s most discernible attributes come from her performances and wacky costumes.
It’d have made more sense if she had just cried about how much she loves her little monsters or begged to be in every single photo being taken.
Milan’s Diana Ross was a tad crazy looking, while Latrice’s Aretha Franklin just kind of sat there complaining about people not having any R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Who could blame aunt Latrice? The shenanigans that some of these queens were pulling out of their weave was just too much.
In true Snooki fashion, Jiggles started rubbing herself on everyone, demanding “smoosh smoosh.” Now, we love a good South Park reference, but there’s a place and a time Jigs.
But the true horror of the Snatch Game was little Kenya Michaels, who turned Beyonce into a crazy, drugged up, spastic, pocket Sasha Fierce.
We just have to ask “why?” Why, Kenya, why? Did you learn nothing from Tyra’s catastrophically FLAT (we recognize the out of this world paradox here, but just run with it gurls) Beyonce?
As Tatianna said to Tyra before the Snatch Game back in season 2, impersonating Beyonce for this challenge is an abysmal idea because “The only thing Beyonce has done funny is fall.”
The result of both Tyra and Kenya’s impersonations…just…ugh…
Correct us if we’re wrong, but Beyonce deserves better.
Auntie Latrice was so upset with some of the girls that she gave them her usual talking to before the runway. Jiggles apologized, while Phi Phi ate a baby in the corner without batting an eyelash.
The girls had to hit the runway in their “best drag.”
Chad’s giraffe print bodysuit served us everything we needed.
She looked fierce, she was giving Cher face, and she wowed the viewers and the judges.
Our biggest problem on the runway was Milan. Milan came out in a Janelle Monae inspired men’s tuxedo and shoes with a pretty mannish wig. The only drag she had on was her beat face. She did a little runway jig and looked fierce doing it, but needless to say we were worried about her.
Dida Ritz wore a cupcake made out of stuffed animals and we didn’t hate it. It was different and it was quirky, but it seemed to sum up her drag pretty well. She fell somewhere in the middle of the pack this week based on her performance as Wendy Williams, but she looked cute and bubbly on the runway.
Kenya came to knock out the competition in a boxing robe and bedazzled boxing gloves. She looked gorgeous, but obviously this wasn’t one that would compensate for her Snatch Game tomfoolery.
Sharon Needles served us Real Housewives of Orange County realness as she walked down the runway in a plastic surgery-induced body cast. Of course she brought a syringe with her just in case her lips needed that extra plumping to look just right. Somewhere in LA Raven remembered that she needed a touch-up.
The ever stunning Latrice wowed again in a gorgeous evening gown and perfectly beat face (no surprise there) proving that she was indeed royale in royal blue.
When the girls got their critiques it came as no surprise that Chad pummeled the competition with his Cher and won the challenge.
Meanwhile, after a hoard of compliments from Michelle Visage on playing her, Sharon was safe. Willam also got to join the safe girls. Here’s where this week’s padrama party came in.
Willam started crying and going on and on about never having drag queen friends. That’s when she came out and expressed how sad it will be to see them all go home just so she can win. Shady compliments AIN’T CUTE WILLAM. Many seem to believe that she was actually sincere, others think she was being a vicious diva.
We’re sure that she made great friends in this competition, but the judges were spot on when they said that we barely know who Willam really is. And truth be told we believe that it’s because she is treating this like more of a gig than a competition. She seems to care more about the IMDB credit than the crown.
Hopefully we’re wrong, because some of these girls really want and deserve to win this competition.
Milan and Kenya, unsurprisingly fell into the bottom two and had to lip sync to the legendary Vogue by the Queen of Pop herself.
Before we say anything, we just have to say that both of these bitches pulled it out and slayed on that stage.
Kenya looked fierce, but Milan turned.it.out. She channeled the original ballroom queens of New York City – think “Paris is Burning 2012.” She worked every inch of that stage in pose after pose, and the crowd we were with at Boxers NYC was going nuts over it!
Rupaul saved Milan and told her to Shante Stay. Milan, who was there at Boxers with us, became so emotional by the love and support of her fans that she had to step outside for a minute.
Snaps for you, Milan. Snaps all around.
Kenya was sent sashaying, and we can’t say we are surprised after her not-even-close-to Beyonce. We have a feeling, though, that if and when Ru invites an eliminated queen back, Kenya will be in the running for that wildcard spot.